The current administration, headed by the self-proclaimed “King of IVF” himself, is considering various policies to increase the country’s birth rate. One of the strategies currently under consideration is the offering of a $5,000 “baby bonus” to American mothers after giving birth.
Beyond these natalist policies, the GOP is also looking to encourage the strengthening of the family unit, which, in their opinion, means having parents stay at home with the children (we know they mean the mother).
How are they going to achieve this? By restricting who has access to child care tax credits, of course.
As society swings from the “girl boss” feminism of the 2010s to a more conservative outlook for the future, there has been a surge in social media content idealizing so-called “traditional” gender roles — as in, the submissive woman, in her “feminine energy” at home with the children while her husband (or boyfriend) is hard at work, channeling his “masculine energy.”
TikTok peddles “Stay At Home Girlfriend” content, where women like influencer Kendel Kay (@kendelkay) make millions of dollars per year creating content that glamorizes the “soft life,” one where their man “pays for everything” so they don’t have to work. (I guess making millions off of content creation simply makes it a great hobby?)
In 2021, YouGov reported that over one third of partnered women are somewhat financially dependent on their partners. I can see how some women might think this would never happen to them. I thought so too.
It wasn’t until he said, “I think I want to separate,” that I realized how much of my own power and autonomy I had given away, how enmeshed my dreams and projects were in that relationship, and how unstable I would be without it. My mom would later tell me I thought I was building on rock when really my foundation was built on sand.
Thirty percent of women in the U.S. can’t afford some of their bills. Could I even afford living on my own? I had just recently gotten a full-time job after being unemployed, and frankly, financially irresponsible, for months. Fortunately, I was able to recoup, pick myself up, and put a roof over my head, but that doesn’t mean I’m not currently in debt.
Call me jaded, but I, for one, will never let a man have that much power over my well-being again.
To be sure, choice feminism tells us that as long as we are choosing to do or not do certain things, we are being good feminists. But I do think decisions can be influenced by society. We don’t live in a vacuum. The media you consume, the political context you live in — we can’t ignore these things. And the more we are aware of these influences, and what is at stake, the better decisions we make.
Do whatever you want. Choose to be a SAHG. But recognize the risks you expose yourself to when giving away that much of your autonomy. Financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases and can be a significant reason why victims stay in or return to abusive relationships.
They will continue to glamorize this lifestyle. You will continue to be pushed toward it. And maybe it is something you want. But make sure you look after yourself and your well-being. Have a strong safety net. Build a strong community around you. Just in case things don’t pan out the way you want them to.
