As we step into a tumultuous four years ahead, many of us are making resolutions and setting intentions. Whether it’s escaping on a cruise ship, protesting on the streets, or limiting our news intake, we all have our ways of coping. But as a mother to a toddler, I keep asking myself: what impact will my emotions have on her during these crucial developmental years?
Instead of reacting with fight, flight, or freeze to overwhelming news, we must choose something more powerful—healing. Now more than ever, we need to break the cycles of stress and trauma that have shaped us and create something better for the next generation.
I have realized early on that my well-being is deeply intertwined with my daughter’s. If I want to be a present and supportive mother, I must prioritize my mental health every single day. Toddlers are incredibly sensitive—they absorb our stress and emotions, and it affects them deeply, especially during their critical years of brain development.
The next four years, the most important question we can ask about our children is not about milestones like ABCs, but something deeper: How do we ensure they grow up in an environment where their emotions are truly seen and respected? How do we break our old patterns and give them something safer and healthier? Healing is the gift we can give ourselves and the next generation—one that keeps giving for our entire lives.
I know I’m not alone in wanting to give my daughter this gift. One in three women experiences sexual violence in her lifetime, and up to 60% face intimate partner violence. Many men are caught in the same toxic cycle, raised to dominate, compete, and avoid vulnerability. This translates to millions of people in our country and around the globe enduring the compounded effects of systemic inequality and personal trauma, along with tens of millions more who grew up witnessing domestic violence between their parents.
This trauma doesn’t exist in isolation—it compounds in a society where powerful figures accused of misconduct remain unchecked, where misogyny is normalized, and where survival often means suppressing pain. Nearly 85% of survivors struggle with mental wellness, impacting their ability to trust, discern, and engage fully with the world around them.
When unhealed trauma is widespread, we see its effects everywhere—people numbing themselves, reacting with anger, feeling triggered, or unquestioningly following strongmen without discernment. The inability to feel deeply is itself a symptom of this collective harm, passed down through generations.
How do we break these cycles and heal so we can live up to our greatest potential as people and, if we choose to have children, as parents? That is my life’s greatest purpose.
In the 12 years I’ve spent working on gender equity—and now as the Founder & CEO of Parity Lab, where our mission is to break cycles of trauma and heal in one generation—I have seen firsthand how our own trauma and childhood experiences shapes the way we parent, form relationships, and impact our own well-being.
According to a CDC national survey, nearly 70% of men who suffered physical abuse as children later reported committing violence against a partner. No wonder family dynamics are particularly challenging during divisive political lines. Relationships with those carrying unhealed trauma can be difficult, as all our healing is interconnected. Without personal healing, there’s a risk of perpetuating, enabling, or deepening cycles of harm.
I have had the privilege of accessing multiple forms of healing rooted in my own culture that include mindfulness and somatic practices. I’ve also had access to Western therapy, which helped me develop deep self-awareness and the courage to question my own beliefs. Through my work, I’ve created healing spaces for hundreds of individuals, which has amplified my own joy and purpose. I’ve also healed because of my friendships and the unwavering self-awareness of my husband, whose dedication to his own healing has strengthened our shared growth.
For some, the word “healing” might sound vague or even indulgent. But if that reaction feels familiar, it may be because a part of you is still seeking to heal, to be seen, and to be understood. It’s worth giving that part space to express itself. Healing doesn’t have to come in the form of expensive Western therapy. There is already deep wellness rooted in the cultures we all come from. Whether it is singing, being in community, meditation, painting, hiking in nature, writing, there are sources of mindful healing everywhere if we know where to look.
For me, it shows up in the smallest but most profound moments—when I am exhausted but take a deep breath before comforting my child. This is co-regulation: choosing calm over reactivity, safety over fear. For an unhealed parent, it would be easy to lash out, but healing allows me to pause, ask for help, and set boundaries with toxic relationships.
We each have the power to help others heal. It starts by showing up with empathy, patience, and without judgment—listening deeply, offering support instead of solutions. We may never fully know the impact, but showing up helps others rewrite their story and build a healthier future.
If the next four years bring more chaos, division, and uncertainty, let them also bring something else: healing. Imagine if, instead of absorbing pain, we transformed it—if we became people who could break cycles rather than pass them down. Nothing is more meaningful than healing ourselves so we can parent our kids the way they deserve. After all, isn’t giving them the best version of ourselves the greatest commitment we can make?
