People often ask me, “If you are bisexual or identify as ‘queer,’ then why do you have so many more relationships with women than men?”
I am very attracted to both. I mean, the whole world agrees how hot women are. And men have those incredibly bodies that can just pick you up right off of the floor. Also, both the attention of men and the attention of women feel great, in their own ways. So, I’ve thought a lot about this, and the only conclusion I have come to is- it’s the entitlement.
There’s this entitlement that men have that has always really driven me nuts. When I’m with a woman, there is no feeling of her being entitled to my body – or any part of me, for that matter. There’s this energetic respect that just exists. She knows that it’s my choice, and I know that it’s her choice, and we both know that either of our choices could change at any moment, and that’s completely okay.
I don’t feel that way when I’m with men. I feel that, somehow, just in their general demeanor; seemingly, to them, just by their mere existence, they feel entitled to a piece of me, and it’s not, in fact, my decision, but just their right. Like somehow they earned it because they said something nice a few minutes ago, or they held the door open. It’s like everything they do is in an effort to show you that they have earned that right. To you. To your body. And I don’t believe that anyone has the right to another person or being – I don’t care who you are.
You can see that entitlement spread across their face in a smile or a smirk, and the moment that they don’t get what they feel that they deserve, or what they feel they are entitled to, their whole demeanor shifts – their language their energy – it’s angry. And the ones that don’t get angry, they just seem confused by your denial. Like they don’t understand. Like they can’t fathom how you could possibly deny them this access that they so clearly deserve and have shown you they have earned. Even if you do have sex with them, it feels like there is this shift at some point where I am not sure if I even need to be there. Like, a couple of couch cushions would suffice.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a part of me that’s somewhat jealous of this unapologetic way of taking up space in the world. But, ultimately, I’m glad I don’t have it. I’m glad that I don’t feel entitled to other people’s time or bodies or energy. My personal experience, and that’s all I can ever really speak to, is that with women this entitlement doesn’t exist. And to be sure, with some men it doesn’t either. And those men are gems – complete and total gentlemen deserving of everything the world has to offer. But, it’s rampant with men as a species. With women, it’s almost always reciprocal and respectful energy. It’s just this communion of shared energy that is somehow consensual by nature. And I think that even of reciprocal respect is pretty important in creating any form of partnership.
