The “beautiful moment of sisterhood” at the 2024 Olympics last month expressed in the globally renowned gesture from U.S. gymnasts Jordan Chiles and Simone Biles as they bowed in recognition of Olympic gold medalist Rebeca Andrade, was short-lived.
The International Olympic Committee later stripped Chiles of the bronze medal, over a declaration that the coach’s filing was four seconds too late. The U.S. Olympic and Paralympic Committee has appealed.
Still, the theme of bowing, or expressing honorable deference, is not reciprocally appreciated in other contexts—particularly marriage. It is noteworthy that a gesture defined by submission was ubiquitously praised on a sports platform, yet the mention of submission elsewhere can make one cringe.
My wife and I anticipated this when planning our wedding in February 2020. A Coptic Orthodox wedding will transport you centuries back in time – incense fills the air, hymns are sung in ancient tunes, and the bride and groom are crowned and robed to symbolize the establishment of Christ’s kingdom in their home.
But one particular moment was certain to cause some consternation: an excerpt from one of St. Paul’s epistles which reads, “The wife should submit to her husband.”
This blatant misogyny perpetuated by such an outdated, toxic, patriarchal faith would certainly alarm some guests to the point of fainting, we joked. However, the context tells a very different message. The wife is called to submit to her husband as to the Lord, such that she be to him as the church was to Christ.
This rests on a critically important– and often overlooked– assumption: that the husband resemble Christ. In his love for her, his service to her, his commitment to her, his every breath and word honoring her — is that she ought to submit to him. He is called to dignify, not to oppress. To serve, not to be served. To lead, not to rule.
This is as Christ did —the Christ who endured malice with forgiveness, contempt with peace, and inexplicable pain with a meek fortitude, dying a horrid death for the sake of His church.
This is the reciprocal submission to which a husband is called, to honor his wife no matter the cost. It comes as no coincidence then, that the same command in the wedding ceremony is subsequently read to the groom — that he submit to his wife.
True submission — that founded in authentic and unbridled honor — then becomes not a sign of weakness but of strength.
Strength ultimately is borne not of arrogance, but humility. It is not self-declared, but awarded; not imposed by one onto others, but rather bestowed onto one by others.
Likewise, my wife’s submission to me is the very thing that declares her admirable strength. She doesn’t need me, by any means. In love, honor, and respect she metaphorically bows to me. And likewise, my love for her is defined by submission until, quite literally, death (do us part).
The translation to English does a disservice to the concept of love compared to the original in Greek. The Greek attempted to capture the complexity of love by distilling it into four separate words which shed light onto the distinction between the colloquial concept of love, and the Agape love to which humanity is called.
The selfless, sacrificial, humble love that defines Agape is what society lacks. Every inequity, disparity, injustice can be traced back to a foundational lack of this innocent, self-denying, submissive love. Just imagine if every relationship — romantic, platonic, professional, or otherwise — were founded in the same principles above; a utopia to make even Thomas More, the 16th century Catholic philosopher, lawyer, theologian and judge, green with envy.
As news in the world is beset with devastating conflict — the escalating wars between Russia and Ukraine, Israel and Hamas and more — this simplified question, “Can’t we all just get along?” falls short.
Perhaps it’s the expectant father in me, already preparing to give my son the same,”Love one another,” talk we’ve all rolled our eyes at too many times to count. Or perhaps, naivety and moral idealism aside, the solution to some of this world’s conflict truly is that simple.
Certainly some may achieve legislative change, institute policy, or serve on committees in their pursuit of making this world a better place. Some, though, may simply be called to love; and maybe – just maybe – that’s the best solution there is.
