Last year, when friends asked me to do Dry January with them, I refused. No hesitation, no qualms. My answer was no. The rigid restriction of cutting out alcohol completely for the month sounded like another opportunity for frustration and disappointment when I inevitably fell off the wagon.
Knowing I’m much better with moderation than abstinence, I joked with my friends that I would do “damp January” and check in at the end of the month. I just set out to drink a little less alcohol by practicing what I call mindful drinking.
What is mindful drinking? I thought it was something I made up, but a quick Google search shows it’s been around for a while. Like everything, though, I’m putting my spin on it. Mindful drinking for me means bringing the qualities of my personal mindfulness practice to illuminate my personal drinking habits—and use it to make adjustments.
It’s mindful drinking that made giving up alcohol completely possible when a serious health concern came up last summer. And it’s what sustained me.
And now, with the Surgeon General announcing that even small amounts of alcohol aren’t safe to drink and may increase your risk of cancer, more people may be thinking of cutting back or cutting out alcohol completely. The research is clear, but the how-to can be daunting.
Enter mindful drinking: a simple, practical method that starts with just one question, “Why do I want this drink?” For me, the answers pointed to a routine I hadn’t noticed.
Day was done–pour a glass of wine for myself. Sit down to dinner at a restaurant–order a bottle of wine for the table. Meet with friends–get a round of dirty martinis. Drinking was embedded in my life. It was routine and mindless.
This all changed with mindful drinking. After asking the starting question, I followed it with others–all designed to make me fully aware of why I was drinking, how I felt about drinking, and the effect on my body and mind.
Here are the questions I asked myself:
- In this moment, why do I want this drink?
- Do I actually want it, or am I just used to having it?
- How is my mood affecting my answer? Am I stressed, annoyed, happy, anxious?
- Can I have just one drink or am I going to want four more?
- Even if it’s just one, can I drink some water or something else instead that will actually hydrate me and then go do something to balance my mood?
Once I paused and answered these questions, I was able to make a decision and feel good about it. It wasn’t an easy process immediately but like mindfulness overall, the more I practiced mindful drinking, the easier it became. I was already aware. The best part for me was that I never felt restricted or like alcohol was off-limits.
It was just a simple nope, I’ll have that drink tomorrow if I want it. Eventually tomorrow became the next day, and then the next, and then on January 27th I realized that I hadn’t had a drink in 7 days. And, I’d gotten through it without feeling miserable the entire time.
The next best thing was that when I did decide to drink, I enjoyed it in a new way. At dinner one evening, I asked myself all the questions and decided to order a glass of Syrah. And that one glass, paired with my short rib and truffle pasta, was heavenly. I didn’t need another. I wasn’t drinking to relax.
When I came home on a Tuesday after a busy day of work, and I just wanted to open that bottle of screw top wine to pair with my sad salad (no judgment!), having something non-alcoholic and interesting on-hand saved me. I muddled lime and mint into sparkling water and poured it into a festive gold-flecked wine glass, just to entertain myself. In no way was I tricking myself into thinking I was drinking—I feel a certain amount of rage towards advice that suggests it’s possible to trick your brain—but it was amusing and keeping my mood light helped me continue.
Once I started feeling the benefits of drinking less, saying no thanks to a second round at happy hour stopped feeling like a big deal. More energy, less anxiety, better health, and clearer skin? Yes, please. I also stopped sweating the small things at work. I started reading more. I stopped melting into my couch while binging Law & Order SVU for the fifty-leventh time (I love you, Mariska, but I needed to move on). And I was in an overall better mood.
And I continued this well beyond January. But when summer rolled around, and it was time for rosé on a rooftop, I happily joined friends in the sunshine and downed that bottle with them. It took a month to realize I was back to my routine. It was just warmer, and the drinks were colder.
Cue the mindful drinking questions.
When a new health condition surfaced that alcohol aggravated, I realized that I had to give up drinking altogether. Initial panic set in. There was no way I could do it. But there was. I’d done it before. The questions just took on new significance.
Even if I still wanted a drink after going through the questions, by that time, I had slowed down enough to realize that the ultimate answer was, “It’s just not worth it.” And it didn’t feel like punishment. It felt like saving myself.
Please know that I’m not a health care provider or a counselor. If you’re struggling with substance use, visit www.samhsa.gov or call SAMHSA National Helpline Confidential for free help, from public health agencies, to find substance use treatment and information 1-800-662-4357.
